Dear Wendy, it’s me… GOD (Part 1)

When I used to attend church as a child I would hear the stories they would tell and I would listen to well known and well respected people speak on the subjects and I could hear belief in their words. As I got older I questioned why adults and people who should know better could feign belief in such spectacular and seemingly unreal things. I heard the people get up to the pulpit and bear their testimonies that they knew the church was true and they knew certain prophets were true prophets and, besides some of them sounding completely rehearsed and brainwashed, or the children who might get up to emulate what they had seen and heard, a select few possessed the sincere pang of truth when you heard their words. At least, to my ears. They spoke up feeling and believing in the “spirit” being with them and guiding them and being ever present in their day to day lives. Meanwhile, I sat and felt nothing. I asked for proof and I asked to know it in my heart so that I, too, could get up and announce what I believed to be true. Still… nothing.

Years went by and I stopped attending church services until I was a little older and had 2 children of my own. I was living with my husband at the times family who are believers and attenders of church things and so I attempted to follow suit and thought maybe with my increased age and wisdom (haha) I would indeed find the answers I was looking for and be able to finally believe. I absolutely did NOT feel anything different and if anything – things seemed way more unbelievable and obscure.

I gave up for many years on trying to believe something that I could not personally prove scientifically or any other way and even went so far as calling myself an atheist. Towards my latter years in my 30’s I was a “card carrying atheist” according to me, and could tell you a million reasons why I thought God didn’t exist.

About a year ago I was living in an old mining town set just outside of the Salt Lake valley called “Copperton” due to its proximity and the part it plays in the Bingham Canyon copper mine. I have always believed in ghosts and that’s because I have had numerous experiences leading me to believe (which I will discuss at another time) and this place was kind of known for being a ghost town.

We lived in my fairytale house. Seriously I couldn’t have dreamt it up any more perfect. It looked almost like a mini castle with 3 floors, a loft style master suite which took up a whole floor that had a juliet balcony, a huge whirlpool jetted tub and beach style shower, not to mention the kitchen island with a 6 burner gas stove and 2 ovens… ANYWAYS… I was literally in LOVE with a house. Never thought it was possible – but I actually think I felt love for this building. And it seemed to coddle me in a way that I was never afraid to be alone and I never wanted to leave. Until… things changed in such a drastic way that I was actually forced OUT of the house in several ways.

The changes came when I suddenly went from feeling safe and coddled to almost hunted and extremely scared. There wasn’t a specific event that took place, it was an energy that took place. All of the sudden, I felt like someone was always in the house with me. I went and bought cameras to place around the house just to be able to see what was happening on all floors at all times because the feelings and the unexplained noises came fast and hard. Lee even started leaving his gun and I mentally started preparing myself to shoot an intruder, if need be.

The problem with the cameras were that they showed even scarier things than what I imagined… because I imagined real life people and things coming at me and what I saw were real life nightmare type things and things other dimensional looking and feeling coming at me. There were crazy and vivid colors on the cameras and scary and creepy faces and things coming out of the walls and in garbage cans. At one point, and I’m grateful there was a witness to this… I was up in the bedroom looking at the cameras and there was literally a burning letter ‘J’ on my kitchen counter.

And then I started feeling them. One night when the cameras started going from vibrant beautiful colors to darkness and black and white and eery looking all the time, I laid down to go to sleep and felt someone, maybe that of a child with the amount of weight that was on the footprint, stepping on the bed and on me. Yet I looked and saw nothing when my eyes opened. I tried to ignore it and hide under the covers and it started creeping towards my face. I screamed and called to Lee and since he had taken a sleeping pill, at which point he is too ornery for life and must sleep or else, so he looked around saw nothing and told me to either go to sleep or leave so he could. I couldn’t make it stop no matter what I did so I went downstairs and turned on the TV and sat in a chair with my guard up until I must have fallen asleep.

Things like that happened over and over until I told him I could no longer handle being frightened to death by these things that I could feel and sense but not exactly see. Very scary and interesting things showed up on the cameras and at one point you could even see what looked like Gene Simmons in full KISS make-up’s head in our garbage can, which isn’t the scariest thing, but… wtf?? It is still not normal.

I mostly stayed at friends or in hotels during this time but experienced a lot of the same no matter where I went but it was definitely the worst when I was in Copperton. The house of my dreams became a literal house of hell and I could barely make myself go anywhere near there.

This all happened around the holidays and for Christmas last year we had thankfully chosen to go to Mesquite and gamble with his parents which was a very welcome break for me, I thought, from the energy of the house and everything that had happened subsequently, like Lee wanting to kill me himself for his lack of sleep and for me seemingly losing my mind. I know he saw a lot on the cameras and could definitely see I was afraid of something, but since it wasn’t anything he could deal with he chose to ignore it and that was his only advice to me on the subject as well. If you ignore it it will go away. Believe me, I tried and tried and tried. Something seriously wanted my attention and would not take no for an answer.

While in Mesquite the first night I felt something very odd and strange in the hotel bathroom… and not just that it was disgusting and had used by so many people that if you really thought about it it would literally make you sick… but something in the was the energy was sitting in the room. It almost immediately infuriated Lee and he started threatening me almost immediately that if I didn’t let him sleep then I needed to get another room, which to me was terrifying because being alone scared the crap out of me, too. I honestly felt like something was out to get me and it was really gunning for me now. Like you might feel if someone has a gun pointed at you and they are staring at you from down the sights of the weapon and you are frozen because you know you are got.

Resistance is futile. I am a dork, yes, but still I heard this phrase in my head over and over that night. I tried to shut it up and act “normal” around his parents but I’m sure I was lookin a sight and acting like a total wreck, because I was. How do you fight back when you can’t even actually SEE your opponent? And is it a fight? Am I losing? Does losing mean I die? Automatically my brain takes me to the worst possible scenarios of all things, which, of course, is SUPER helpful but happening all the same.

The first night in Mesquite was Christmas eve. Lee and I had already fought because there were 2 beds in the room and he insisted I try and sleep away from him so he could actually sleep and me not cling to him for dear life at every bump in the night, when I just wanted to be close to him so he could keep me safe.

We compromised eventually and I crawled next to him and grabbed a blanket and curled up into a ball like I had been for the past month or so since this all started. I immediately knew something was heightened this night because the feeling of someone touching me felt as real as if they actually were. Also, I started seeing bright swirling colors on the wall that appeared to be coming towards me. It was brilliant shades of purple and green with the center being purple and the green surrounding the tail of purple that began in the center. I begged Lee to help me because whatever it was, was getting closer and closer. He shrugged me off and literally went back to snoring within a half of a second.

I don’t watch scary movies for a reason, because I am the biggest scaredy cat but that night I saw a few out of this world, movie esque, spectacular and scary things. One of them was what looked like an outline of a dark moth type creature that seemingly flew¬† and disappeared into my ring finger on the right hand side of my hand. Then the swirling ball of colors on the wall somehow came at me and went into my mouth. After that – I passed out cold, I believe, from being honest to goodness scared to death of what was happening. It was so incredibly scary and unreal.

To be continued…

Fluff News is Figuratively Killing Me

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Why do I watch it? What purpose does it really serve? I have seen the local news for what it truly is and yet it is still on my television every morning at 6 am for roughly 2 hours replaying it’s 15 minute loop of “fluff” stories (personal interest pieces?), propaganda and guesstimate weather predictions.

This morning I see that there was a 3.4 magnitude earthquake centered in the southern part of the state that I live in. They literally spent 0.4 seconds alerting us to this fact – and if I would have blinked I would have missed it – which I found way more significant than 0.4 seconds worth of news time it received. They promptly moved on to a “heartfelt” story on how a local mother gave birth to her child in the intersection of one of our downtown roads. I’m estimating that that story had 4 minutes worth of content and information given, which, don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful and I’m grateful for the miracle that took place… but can I also get 4 minutes worth of time and information about the earthquake that seems to me is significant enough and could be the sign of something more significant to come??

If you are a criminal it is a bragging right to have made it to the local news. Something I don’t think people realize is though, that the criminal they are reading about is just a fellow human and probably at the lowest point in their life when they commit these crimes. The comment sections of the news stories have brought some people I have known that have made the news to thoughts of suicide. And is that the purpose of the comment? To refer to someone who commits a crime in such a negative and hurtful way that they literally want to die? I would hope not. Because that’s a sad state of affairs to want someone to cease to exist because they made very bad choices. The other unfortunate part of this story is that it brands you a criminal for life and thereafter it is very hard to live down the fact that you made mistakes and more than likely were brought to justice and served your time and paid your dues for these mistakes.

After watching “Wag The Dog”, a brilliant Dustin Hoffman flick about how a network teamed up with government essentially “staged” a war for everyone to believe simply by showing fake clips of supposed war and the aftermath on the world news and people ate it up and took it for truth. This, among many other things, has aided my mind in becoming open to the possibility that our televisions are not always trustworthy. I realize it’s a movie but try this for me – Watch it and center your discernment meter on it… I would make bets that something will definitely ring true.

I’m not certain, but I would assume that the people in charge of making the news have most people’s best interest in mind. I would assume. Or maybe HOPE is the correct word here…

My final thought being that there’s got to be a better way to deliver important information to the people in a way that educates and enlightens instead of glorifying and then mentally breaking down criminals and also alerting us to the things going on in the world that truly matter and make a difference in our day to day lives.

Someone figure this one out and implement it for me would you please?

Love, light, compassion and balance to you all.